The Hunt for Wolverine
by SgtNumnum
Summary: Wolverine's being hunted by a notorious bounty hunter. That's basically it. This is the first installment in a 3 part series. Rated T for language and violence.
1. The Meeting

The Hunt for Wolverine

**Author's Note: This is the first installment in a 3 part series that connects my 3 favorite things in the universe: Transformers, X-Men, and Doctor Who. It's the second fic I've ever posted, so don't flame. I hope you enjoy it!**

Chapter 1: The Meeting

Mayor Kelly was sitting in his office working on his plans to get rid of all mutants. Then there was a knock on the door.

"Come in", he said, hiding his dartboard with the faces of the X-Men on it.

"There's a stranger that wants to see you", his assistant said, "he has guns, so he might be dangerous".

"Let him in Bob", the despicable mayor said.

"My name is Fred", Fred said, "and aren't you the least bit worried he might kill you?"

"Nope, let him in", Kelly replied. Fred let the stranger in, before leaving to find an alibi in case the mayor didn't leave his office alive. The stranger walked in.

"You wanted to hire me, yes?", the stranger said.

"Yes, I want you to capture a mutant for me", Kelly replied.

"And this mutant is someone dangerous, yes?", the stranger asked.

"Very, I need him delivered to my mansion by Friday night", Kelly said.

"I can bring him to you dead, yes?", the stranger asked.

"You can't kill someone who heals faster than you can inflict damage", Kelly replied.

"You want me to capture Wolverine, yes?", the stranger asked.

"Exactly", Kelly said, "It's a pleasure to do business with you mister….uhh"

"The name's Death's Head'

**Well, This is gonna be cool. Wolverine's gonna be hunted down by Death's Head. The only problem is that I probably won't be able to maintain my seriousness throughout the story, so expect some absurd humor. I probably should have said this at the beginning of the chapter, but I don't own Death's Head or X-Men: Evolution. I wish I did.**


	2. An Average Day at the Xavier Institute

The Hunt for Wolverine

**Author's Note: If you don't know who Death's Head is, look him up on the Marvel Wiki, Doctor Who wiki, or . Yeah, he's a busy robot. Anyway, here's chapter 2.**

Chapter 2: Another average day at the Xavier Institute

A Sentinel rampaged across the landscape, leaving destruction in its wake. Nothing stood in its way except for the X-Men.

"Iceman!", Cyclops yelled, "freeze it!"

Bobby did as he was told and encased the gargantuan machine in ice, only for it to break out with ease.

"It didn't work!", he yelled. Cyclops took off his visor and opened his eyes, creating a blast so powerful that it severed the Sentinel's left arm below the elbow.

"Concentrate your attacks on the joints!", he ordered. Amara, Jubilee, and Sam concentrated their fire on the right elbow, which was a bad idea as Sam was hit by both attacks. Evan, Roberto, Ray, and Tabitha attacked the right knee. Kurt and Jamie acted as distractions. The rest attacked the left knee. Then Kurt suddenly stopped.

"Wait a minute", he said, "Why don't we just have Kitty phase through it?"

"Because….", Cyclops answered, "because….uhh…good point Kurt. Kitty! Phase through the Sentinel!"

"But I, like, have to pee!", Kitty whined.

"Just do it", Scott and Kurt said simultaneously.

"Okay!", she said, phasing through the Sentinel, which caused it to short out and fall over, crushing all the X-Men.

Then it disappeared, as did the landscape, revealing that they were in the Danger Room. Professor Xavier wheeled in.

"Okay, Scott will take Sam to the hospital, the rest of you may spend the rest of the day however you please", he said.

Kitty still hadn't gotten her driver's license, so she decided to go ask Logan to go with her, as both Scott and Jean had threatened to file restraining orders against her if she asked them again. Suddenly, a puff of smoke and a sulfur-like odor alerted her to Kurt's presence.

"Kurt, like, why are you following me?", she asked.

"I wasn't following you", he replied defensively.

"Yeah, you, like, totally were!", she yelled.

"No, I vas looking for Logan too", Kurt said, "I just got my driver's permit"

As they reached the garage, where Logan usually spent his time working on his motorcycle, they heard a crash, and saw Logan under attack from a certain satanic-looking robot.

"Mr. Logan!", Kitty yelled. Logan turned towards her.

"Get away from here, Half-pint!", he yelled, before being shot squarely in the center of the chest, leaving a horrific wound that left his ribcage exposed. Kitty ran towards Death's Head, obviously intending to phase through him, shorting him out. He anticipated this move and released a gas grenade, which rendered her unconscious. Then he contacted Mayor Kelly.

"What is it?", the human asked.

"One of Wolverine's friends attacked me, I can kill her, yes?", Death's Head explained.

"No, take her somewhere else, and then do what you want with her", Kelly ordered.

Death's Head suddenly felt a hand on his arm, and looked to see Kurt, who then disappeared with a puff of smoke, taking the arm with him. Then he appeared behind him, wielding the arm as a weapon.

"So you think you can take me on, yes?", he said.

"Does this answer your question?", Kurt asked, impaling Death's Head with his tail. With a quick blow to the head, Death's Head sent Kurt flying into the wall. Then he noticed Wolverine healing, prompting him to blast him repeatedly, reducing him to an adamantium skeleton.

"Look's like I'm done here", he said, grabbing the three bodies and walking away from the area. Unbeknownst to him, Rogue had seen part of it.

**Authors Note: Now Death's Head has captured Wolverine, Kitty, and Kurt, and Rogue has seen him do it. What will happen next?! I haven't decided yet, but it'll be cool.**


	3. Rogue's guide to planning rescues

The Hunt for Wolverine

**Author's Note: Kurt, Kitty, and Logan have been captured, so now it's up to Rogue to do something about it. The seriousness will probably start to thin, asthis is the most serious story I've ever written.**

Chapter 3: Rogue's guide to planning rescues

Rogue rushed back to the mansion as fast as humanly (Well, mutantly) possible.

'Ah can't believe that just happened', Rogue thought to herself. Not looking where she was going, she collided with Ray.

"Oww Rogue, What was that for?", Ray said.

"Sorry, but you have to help me", Rogue explained, "Some robot dude captured Logan, Kurt, and Kitty".

"Why should I help you?!", Ray asked, rubbing his head.

"Because there are lives at stake…probably", Rogue yelled.

"Fine", Ray said, causing Rogue to start to say thank you, "If you make out with Jean".

"What?!", Rogue exclaimed, "Ah ain't gonna kiss her! Are you crazy!?"

"But Rogue", Ray said, quoting her, "There are lives at stake"

"Ah can't believe Ah'm doing this", Rogue said, picking up her phone and dialing the Brotherhood.

"Hello?", she said, "can you put Wanda on the phone?"

"Hello", Wanda greeted, "what do you want?"

"Ah need ya to cast a spell to temporarily turn off ma powers", Rogue said.

"So you assume that just because I'm the Scarlet Witch that I can cast spells?", she asked angrily.

"Oh, sorry", Rogue said.

"I'm just kidding", Wanda laughed, "so, who are you gonna kiss?". Rogue paused for a second before mumbling something.

"What was that?", Wanda asked.

"Ah said Jean", Rogue said quietly. Wanda almost burst out laughing.

"Ah need Ray's help and he said he'll only help me If Ah kiss Jean", Rogue explained.

"Okay, okay", Wanda said, "I'll cast a spell", before saying something unintelligible.

"Thanks", Rogue said, "Bye", before hanging up and walking down the hall. When she reached Jean's door, she knocked on it loudly until Jean opened the door.

"Rogue wha-?", Jean started, before being pulled into a kiss.

'Jean is gonna hate me fer this', Rogue thought, before realizing than Jean was kissing back. Jean slipped her tongue out of her mouth and pressed it into Rogue's. Rogue pulled away.

"What are you doing?", Rogue asked.

"Well…umm", Jean said, "the question is why you kissed me!"

"Ah asked Ray to help me with something and he said he'd only do it if Ah kissed you", Rogue explained.

"Help you with what?", Jean asked.

3 minutes later…

"Well let's go then!", Jean said, pulling Rogue along. They caught Ray with an ice pack on his head.

"So, did you kiss her?", he asked.

"Yep", Rogue said, "let's go kick some butt".

"To the X-Van!", Ray yelled, prompting one of those Batman-style transitions.

Later in the X-Van

"Jean", Rogue said, "can you use yer powers to track Logan?"

"Yes", Jean said, "his healing factor is kicking in"

"Why's it doing that", Ray asked.

"Because the robot reduced him to a skeleton", Rogue answered.

"How do you know that?", Ray asked.

"BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!", Rogue joked, "just kidding, Ah saw it happen"

"Okay", Jean said, "What's the plan?"

"We find 'em, we take out the robot, and we rescue Logan, Kurt, and Kitty", Rogue said.

"Sounds like a good plan", Jean commented. Suddenly, a sneeze was heard.

"Who's back there?", Ray yelled. Jamie poked his head out from the back, as did Bobby.

"We wanted to kick butt", Jamie said.

**Author's Note: This story's probably gonna end in one or two chapters. And as for the whole kissing thing, I couldn't resist, not because I like femslash (though I do to some extent), but because I love it when stuff like that happens, and it'll probably come back to bite Rogue in the ass. **


	4. The End

The Hunt for Wolverine

**Author's Note: This story is at its end, so if you've liked this one, check out some of my other stories and the next installment in the series, whenever it is I post the latter. The first person to guess the setting of the next story gets a nonexistent cookie and bragging rights, unless it's after the second story has been posted.**

Chapter 4: The End

"This place is like, so cramped", Kitty complained.

"Vell vould you prefer ze luxury prison?", Kurt said sarcastically.

"They have that?!", Kitty asked excitedly. Kurt and Logan, the latter of which was still mainly a skeleton, facepalmed.

"What?", she asked.

"Half-Pint", Logan said, "Leave the thinking to the elf, or even the Brotherhood"

"Hey!", Kitty exclaimed defensively, "I'm not that dumb!"

"Vhere are ve anyway?", Kurt asked. Logan sniffed the air.

"I smell gas and burning rubber", he said, "We're in a van or a truck". Death's Head chose that moment to walk in.

"The name's Death's Head, you've heard of me, yes?", he asked.

"No, we have no idea who you are", they all answered.

"Well, I'm a freelance peacekeeping agent", he said, "And Mayor Kelly is paying me to capture the Wolverine".

"Vell then vhy did you capture **us**?", Kurt asked angrily.

"Because I can't leave any witnesses", he said, "And don't even think about phasing out or teleporting, because I've inserted bombs into both of you, so if you try to escape, you'll die".

"Our friends vill come to save us!", Kurt yelled.

"yeah, like, they're gonna kick your butt!", Kitty said.

"Your friends are really that stupid, yes?", Death's Head said, "I'll kill them all if they try"

"Hey, who's, like, driving this this?", Kitty asked.

"I threatened to kill some loser's family if he didn't drive", he answered, before looking out through the van's windshield and returning.

"We've arrived", he said cruelly, and were he not a robot, he'd be grinning, "you should be scared, yes". Suddenly, the back doors were opened and a bunch of soldiers dragged Logan's mostly skinless body out.

"Great job", Mayor Kelly congratulated Death's Head, "The money's being loaded into your van"

"Keep that one locked up", the mechanical bounty hunter freelance peacekeeping agent said, "now I'll be on my way"

"What are you gonna do with the other two?", Kelly asked.

"I have some ideas", Death's Head replied. Then he grabbed the briefcase full of money, as well as Kitty and Kurt, and was preparing to leave when he was contacted by someone who wanted to hire him. While he was occupied, the X-Van pulled up. Rogue, Jean, Jamie, Bobby, and Ray jumped out and attacked.

"You guys distract the soldiers", Rogue instructed, "Ah'll untie Logan!"

The soldiers ended up frozen, overwhelmed by a sea of Jamies, electrocuted by Ray, and hypnotized by Jean to run away and become Amish. Rogue chased after Mayor Kelly, who was shooting at the X-Men to keep them from rescuing Logan.

"Hey Dumbass!", Rogue yelled from behind him.

"What?", Kelly growled, turning around.

"You're gonna…wait no, that's lame…I'm about to….Oh forget it", Rogue said, untying Logan, who unsheathed his claws and attacked Kelly. Rogue looked away, as the scene was getting pretty bloody.

"Logan", Rogue said, "try not to injure him too badly"

"Fine", Logan said, walking away from Kelly, who was severely injured, "I'm gonna go put on some pants"

"Great idea", Rogue agreed, trying to look away from his…erm…well, you know what I mean. Around this point, Death's Head was finishing up his conversation.

"Mmmhmm, understood", He said to the person hiring him. Then he turned to the X-Men.

"Well, looks like I have another contract", Death's Head said, "I'll kill you another time, yes?"

"GET HIM!", Bobby yelled, leaping towards the freelance peacekeeping agent. The other X-Men quickly followed, with the exception of Rogue, who had called the police regarding the whole kidnapping ordeal, and Logan, who had stolen some clothes and was dressed in his civilian clothes from the first movie.

"Should we go with 'em?", Rogue asked.

"Yeah", Logan said, joining the others. Rogue quickly followed. The X-Men had just reached Death's Head when he performed a time jump, causing the X-Men to disappear in a flash of light, leaving Mayor Kelly confused and blabbering.

"But there was a horn robot, and a fuzzy elf, and then the spiky hand guy made them all go poof!", he told the medics and police officers that showed up.

"This guy's lost it", one of the officer said.

"Yeah Bob", another said, "maybe he was wrong about mutants too"

The two looked at each other for a second before laughing.

"Yeah right", they agreed.

**Meanwhile in some other universe…**

"Where the hell are we?", Rogue said, waking up.

"I don't know", Ray mumbled, as he had landed with his face buried in Rogue's chest.

"Get the hell off me before ah kill ya!", Rogue growled, removing her glove.

"Okay okay okay", he said, quickly getting off of her.

"What's going on here?", Logan asked, walking up, claws unsheathed.

"Uhhh...", Ray said.

**Meanwhile in some other universe…**

Jamie awoke in an uncomfortable spot. He was squeezed between a washing machine and a hard place.

"Eeeeep!", a British female voice said, "get out of my shower!"

**Meanwhile in some other universe…**

The soldiers had also been transported to another dimension.

"Where are we?", one of them said.

"I think we're in Tokyo", another said.

"Why would you think that", yet another one asked.

"I think it's because of that", a fourth one said, pointing at Godzilla, who unleashed hi atomic breath, obliterating them all.

**Author's Note: I hope you've enjoyed the story. If you have, please review.**


End file.
